Forget High School, We Need a Romy & Michele Re-Union

I love Romy & Michele's High School Reunion. Probably my most quotable movie, and that's saying a lot. So if you're a fan, great. If not, screw off. If you haven't seen it, rent it. But I don't have the focus to properly confess my love for the 1997 not-as-dumb-as-you-think blond classic. Time is of the essence, we're already behind production schedule for a sequel. Nothing proved this more than the "Sex and the City" feature length, with some of the Fab Four's faces clearing melting like that Dali painting.

What really sparked this idea was watching a bit of Mira Sorvino in NBC's miniseries "The Last Templar," and realizing she was essentially Romy chasing down some da Vinci Code-esque ancient relic. OK let me remind you this Mira has a Harvard degree in East Asian Studies and speaks fluent Mandarin. But I still see Romy in this latest thing.

This proposed sequel, which is under the working title of "Romy & Michele's Visitation Rites," could totally happen if the original fantastic screenwriter was up for it. None of the film's principal cast really struck A-List Gold, so don't give me crap about ballooning budgets and whiney actors not wanting to commit. The original is a cult classic. Do your fans a service!

Let's-a-go: We last left off with Romy and Michele folding scarves at their very own L.A. boutique, made possible by multimillionaire mogul classmate Sandy Frink (aka The Frinkazoid). Well, Romy & Michele's has firmly established its success serving the Hollywood Elite (maybe a cameo or two here of the clients they've attracted. Julia Roberts, can you hear us? What a great way to tie the opening sequence into the "Pretty Woman" opening in the first. They could totally drop that joking "We have nothing for you here. Please leave!" line on her buddy-buddy-like. But Paris, Lindsay or Jessica S.: stay away!).

Ten years have gone by, and they've already proven how awesome they are to Sagebrush High Class of '87. The A Group couldn't hold these two down then, and they're still like, some of the most successful people in their entire graduating class! Here are some plot ramblings:

--Romy & Michele decided to each carry a child from the same father after managing to accidentally conceive on the same day. This was a result of their decision to try Lesbianism by the time they hit 30, and they decided to test the waters by first trying a threesome. This would make the girls 8 or so. I would love to see them be stylish little smart-asses who can outwit their mothers (like that's hard to do). I could totally see Romy and Michele approaching cougar-hood, "dating" their trainers and, of course, sharing a Valley home together. Cue some awesome toy pooches!

--Speaking of family ties, how great would it be to have R&S stop by their parents' house before the reunion? The casting would have to be perfect for the moms. I don't imagine matriarchal gal pals, but not complete opposite mothers either. Hmm Michele's blond Jewish mom...Barbra Streisand? No, have to think about this more. But I do imagine bejeweled track suits for M's mom, Romy's mom a bit more grounded. But I have some great casting for siblinghood! I am absolutely convinced that Jennifer Westfeldt could be Michele's sister (she'd have to play it a bit more brainy, as is her approach, and maybe she could get her hottie real-life boyfriend Jon Hamm to play that super-sperm donor; he's already proven his comedic chops on SNL). And just cuz I'm always looking out for her, Parker Posey could play a pretty convincing Romy's sister (provided she can pull off a surfer's accent). Maybe she could really be an inventor or scientist (rather than a designer).

--Heather Mooney must be in this movie! After all, she's like Michele's baby girl who smokes and says 'shit' a lot! I imagine with the oppressive U.S. smoking laws, Heather has sought refuge in Europe to continue her chain-smoking in peace, and to capitalize on her Lady Fair cigarettes (the ones that burn down really quick). She visits Romy and Michele for a little bit in L.A. before all joining forces for Tucson. I would love to see Justin Theroux in a little establishing sequence as Clarence the Cowboy, but I'm not so sure Heather would stay with him this long.

--I can't find much to say about The A Group. They're kind of stunted characters, don't you find? They would have to be there, but their jokes would run dry really quick. Perhaps Christy Masters could be a total wreck, but the other two hangers-on finally decided to "think for themselves for once" and do something interesting with their lives. Toby Walters would still be her annoying, giddy self. She's done the family thing and what not.

So to that end, I think it would be kind of great if R&S were so caught up in their own absorbing lives that they only stopped by the reunion's drunken sadness for the last 10-15 minutes of the movie, as opposed to all the reunion tension and forethought in the first installment.

So I might not be the one to fill in all the dialogue, but this NEEDS to happen before it's too late. It's almost too late. Hopefully the screenwriter Google alerts these references and gets in touch. I'd love to do business, sweetie, and there's more where this came from! C'mon, the TV prequel was a reported dud. Correct these wrongs and bring these two unforgettable characters into the present! And if you find it's too late for a 20, there's technically 3 more years to get out a 25-year!

Endless possibilities

I'm not usually one for fashion blogging, but I'd like to thank Endless.com for delivering my new, casual/formal transition shoes yesterday. I returned the first boring and tight-fitting pair last week, marking my first purchase ever with this massive online shoe emporium. I then decided to order this pair:


Those in the know know that I've had a very difficult time finding a nice pair of shoes on conventional racks. Also, I have a little love affair with naturally flawed camel and red leathers. All in all, these shoes fit the bill. They're from Bed:Stu, a maker I've just come to know this month. They flatter my narrow feet without looking elfin, and the exaggerated lip makes them look like a bit like boots. They have a much-desired '70s feel to them. And they smell great and feel Italian, just like a good quality leather shoe should.

I'm tempted to order the ash pair as well, but I usually refrain from the collect-all-color approach.

About that blogging resolution...

Hey, I blogged today. Just got paid to do it (sort of).

See IMG @ Sundance

January's not feeling so harsh

This forecast has me thinking I live in predictable Southern California (minus 30 degrees or so).

Cloying and cliche, here they are!

2008's been a so-so year for me. I have to admit I became complacent, stagnant, let myself--and I'm certain others with my oft-defeated attitude--down and allowed things in my life to happen that I swore I wouldn't. Despite all this, I feel energetic about a New Year and the decisions, some of them difficult, that I will have to face and make peace with.

In the hope that publishing these resolutions will yield a higher return on results, they go something like this:

1. Cook once a week
2. Blog once a week, even if it's boring. I need the mental exercise
3. Start, and finish, a book once a month. This is also in direct proportion to watching less TV for TV's sake
4. Continue my awesome past three days of exercise and hopefully gain 5 or so pounds in muscle. It's superficial but I'm tired of having a gaunt upper body, ok?
5. Take up tennis in the spring (you still with me, Jess?)
6. Decide if I'm really going to attend grad school, and how I might go about doing that
7. Take a couple-week trip to either Europe or Southeast Asia. You see, my perspective has become rather myopic
8. Regularly volunteer and donate to a pet shelter
9. Could it be possible for me to finish a screenplay rough draft? I feel the ideas coalescing over the past couple of weeks
10. Hmm just to round up, be a better inhabitant of the Earth and do my best to reduce, reuse and recycle. Oh, and get a donated piano into my house so I no longer have an excuse to resume playing
A bonus resolution would be: Practice kindness, even though it's not as fun, at least in the immediate gratification sense

I wish everyone a Happy New Year and even if you don't hold yourself to every resolution, the fact that you have the forward-thinking cognizance and intention to correct not-so-rights in your life speaks enough volume for me.

On a (much) lighter note

You know how sometimes, after repeated pleas and various manipulative tactics, people won't take down pictures of you that make you cringe every time you browse their profile? Then you just have to 'own' the snap as a sad reminder of how hideous you can look and try to move on with life?

Like this one, from Christmastime 2006 at our apartment:


Truth hurts, so you may want to sit down (well, you're at a computer, so the chances of you standing are fairly low), but I actually proceeded to go out after this picture was taken. No, like, out in public. I believe it was to a bar or club.

Other than not being my best angle (or posture), let's forego the hair, face and winter solstice tan and instead focus our critique from the neck down. I guess at some point while clothes-shopping, I decided a classic white V-neck would look good on me. Little did I know this style only looks good on guys who actually lift weights on a regular basis, and the crease in my shirt actually makes it look like I'm a 12-year-old girl with budding, sore raisins.

With that in mind, I guess it was good I cover up my gaunt frame from the harsh elements (two birds with one stone) with a jacket, but it just makes me look my dad when he was called out to fight a fire in the middle of the night and had to throw something on in a pinch. And then there's the pants. They actually have a pretty nice fit and I still wear them to this day, although you wouldn't be able to tell with how high I've hiked them up with a cinched belt, causing the upper thigh area to balloon and making me look like someone who benefits from a rewards card at Northern Reflections (ahh, bonus points to anyone who remembers that store).

Turning our attention away from the disaster on the left, my friend Amelia has that settle, forlorn expression that suggests, "Well, I guess if he feels confident, that's all that matters." And Paul's his usual giddy self. Oh, and if you're getting into details, we bought our own Nativity because I love them. And yes Amanda, that's the Buddha head I told you I would ironically use to cause blunt-force trauma on a criminal who dares trespass while I'm at home alone.

In a state

With Prop. 8 getting me down and not knowing exactly where to direct my anger, I can't help but agree that is still a bit jarring — but hopefully less and less so in the near future — to spot a wedding dinner place card that reads:


Two months ago, I took the place card home for a laugh; in hindsight it's become a little less humorous. I hate to admit there was an instinctual tinge of shame in collecting the card at a suburban Indiana wedding, though thoughtfully written by Paul's cousin-bride. Now, I feel that shame may be best reserved for others.

But committed to not being bitter, I remain optimistic and find this song by the lovely Polly Jean Harvey an (interpreted?) inspiration.

One day I know
We'll find a place of hope...

Walk tight, one line
You're wanted this time
There's no one to blame
Just hold on to me...

I walk, I wade
Through full lands and lonely
I stumble
With you I wait
To be born again
With love comes the day
Just hold on to me